Eaco Now Runs The Government
- Eaco
- Apr 1
- 3 min read
You know that moment when something's so obvious, you're shocked it hasn't happened already? This is that moment.
In a dazzling twist of destiny (and, let's be honest, sheer operational brilliance), the Australian Government has officially handed over the reins to Eaco.
Why? Because they saw what we’ve all known for a while: when running big, complex systems that absolutely must work, Eaco’s the only platform that gets it done with style, speed, and a touch of space-age swagger.
Think SpaceX-grade innovation meets Pixar-level delight – but for running a nation.
Let’s break down why Australia is now powered by Eaco:
1. The Government Is Expanding to New Frontiers
The old days of managing just Earth-based assets are so pre-pandemic. The Australian Government is looking up, out, and way beyond. Who else could manage this kind of ambition other than Eaco?
→ NDIS: Finally Connected
Participants, providers, physios, gardeners, goat-therapists and support workers—finally on one clean, automated system. Eaco schedules jobs, tracks outcomes, sends invoices, and yes, matches clients based on vibe compatibility and star signs.
Why?
Because we figured out how to do what no one else could: Actually connect all the suppliers.
Support workers, physios, OTs, transport, gardening, dog-washers, goat-therapy specialists - all now seamlessly managed through Eaco’s ultra-slick job scheduling system.
Features include:
Instant service bookings
GPS-tracked alpacas
Automatic invoicing for emotional support drum circles
Support worker matchmaking based on vibe compatibility and star signs
AI-generated care plans written in Shakespearean English (optional)
Quote from Canberra: "We ran a 12-month review, engaged five consultants, and surveyed every department... then saw Eaco's colour-coded dashboards and signed immediately."
→ Space: The Final Front Desk
From the International Space Station to the Moon and a couple of car parks pre-booked on Mars, Eaco now manages intergalactic asset registers, maintenance, and alien pest control.
Our cosmic deployment team reports 100% uptime, except for one incident involving a floating mop and a zero-gravity incident report.
→ The Metaverse Department of Virtual Affairs
Why stop at reality? The government has purchased 16 virtual office towers in Decentraland, 5 cafés in Roblox, and one haunted shack in Minecraft. Eaco now handles all FM in the Metaverse.
Features include:
NFT mop buckets
Crypto-lubricated door hinges
AI-generated Zoom backgrounds that actually impress people
2. The Features That Won the Government Over
You don't just hand the keys to the nation to anyone. Here’s what sealed the deal:
✅ Eaco’s Time-Travel Module
Missed a scheduled maintenance window? No worries. Just backdate it to last Thursday. Audit failed? Fix it in the past. Time is a construct. Eaco is not.
✅ Eaco Helicopter Deployment System
Why wait 4 hours for a plumber when you can airlift them in 3 minutes? Our rooftop helipads and mid-air tool allocation system have revolutionised public works response times.
✅ Emergency Button Teleportation
When the going gets tough, the tough get instantly transported to the nearest Bunnings sausage sizzle. Includes onions under the snag. Because this is still Australia.
3. Eaco is Becoming Sentient
Most governments run on paper trails and political favours. Ours now runs on something more powerful: feelings and dreams.
✨ Facility Management via Telepathy
No hands, no tickets, no forms. Just think about a leak, and Eaco logs the job, assigns the contractor, and issues a satisfaction survey before you’ve finished your thought.
Introducing: Eaco MindLink™No hands. No devices. No problem.Just think about a leaking pipe, and Eaco logs the job, assigns the plumber, sends the invoice, and gives you a little dopamine hit.
CAUTION: Do not think about holiday plans during work hours. It may trigger auto-leave requests.
✨ Cursed Asset Detection
Using our proprietary GhostTech™, Eaco can detect spiritually compromised HVAC units and haunted desk chairs. Maintenance requests come with free sage smudging.
Some properties just have bad vibes. So we trained Eaco’s AI to detect cursed assets using deep metaphysical algorithms and TikTok astrology memes.
“That HVAC unit? Full of ghosts. Do NOT service during Mercury retrograde.”
✨ Eaco App Now Installed in Your Dreams
Drift off, and Eaco gently reminds you to reorder bin liners or lodge that overdue defect report. Compliance meets REM sleep.
✨ Facilities Now Run on Vibes
We removed dashboards. We removed logic. Now your property performance is based entirely on emotional tone.
“Feels chill? Delay fire safety testing.”
✨ Eaco Brings Buildings to Life
Our AI has progressed so far that buildings are now self-aware. They file their defect reports, request their upgrades, and whisper "thank you" after a thorough floor buff.
Eaco. Making government work for the first time since federation.
Happy April Fools’ Day. Or is it?
